The Cultural Genesis of Seeking Approval
The value systems across African cultures often emphasize communal harmony, respect for authority, and adherence to societal norms. Within this context, women are frequently encouraged to seek validation from family, community leaders, and peers as a marker of social conformity and respectability. From childhood, girls may be socialized to prioritize others’ opinions and satisfaction over their desires and instincts, a conditioning that can persist into adulthood.
Manifestations Across the Spectrum of Life
In Personal Relationships: The need for external approval can lead African women to prioritize the expectations and desires of partners or family over their own, sometimes at the expense of personal happiness and fulfillment. This dynamic can manifest in choosing life partners, deciding on career paths, or even in day-to-day decision-making, where the weight of approval dictates choices.
- Socially: Socially, the pressure to conform to community expectations can influence how African women present themselves, the roles they assume, and how they navigate social spaces. The quest for acceptance can lead to self-censorship, altering one’s appearance, or engaging in activities that align more with societal expectations than personal interests.
- Professionally: In the workplace, this need for validation can affect how African women assert themselves, their willingness to pursue leadership roles, or their ability to negotiate salaries and promotions. The fear of being perceived as overly ambitious or confrontational can stifle their professional growth and assertiveness.
The Journey Towards Change
The path to diminishing the need for external approval and fostering a sense of self-validation is both challenging and rewarding. Here are steps African women can take to embark on this journey:
- Self-Reflection: Engage in introspection to understand the roots of the need for approval and how it manifests in your life. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward change.
- Affirming Self-Worth: Cultivate a practice of self-affirmation that emphasizes your intrinsic worth independent of external validation. Affirmations, journaling, and therapy can be powerful tools in this process.
- Setting Boundaries: Learn to set and enforce boundaries that protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. Saying no to demands that compromise your values or well-being is a critical skill in reducing reliance on external approval.
- Seeking Supportive Networks: Surround yourself with people who respect your autonomy and encourage your self-expression. A supportive community can reinforce your journey towards self-validation.
- Celebrating Individuality: Embrace and celebrate your unique identity, values, and achievements. Recognizing and valuing your distinctiveness is a potent antidote to the pressure of conformity.
- Professional Empowerment: In professional settings, seek mentorship, advocate for your contributions and achievements, and pursue growth opportunities based on your interests and strengths, not just those that garner approval.
The shift away from seeking external approval towards embracing self-validation is a profound journey of empowerment. For African women, this path not only challenges deeply ingrained cultural norms but also offers a route to genuine self-discovery, autonomy, and the freedom to shape their destinies. By reclaiming their voices and affirming their worth from within, African women can redefine their roles in society, unlock their full potential, and inspire generations to come.
The TGC Productivity Planner has a great habit tracker as we build new habits such as self-validation.
