Trusting the Woman in the Mirror: Overcoming the Need for Approval

Hey Gurlies,

Let’s get real for a moment. 

Remember 2020, when the world hit the pause button? Well, I had a corporate uniform supply business back then that obviously wasn’t going to thrive with everyone lounging in PJs at home. That downtime turned out to be a blessing in disguise because it gave me the push I needed to focus on something I’d been dabbling in: The Gurls’ Club. It started as just an Instagram page where I’d chat about all the stuff we, as women, deal with but often brush off as ‘normal.’

I noticed you all were really vibing with what I was putting out there, and it hit me – there’s a real need for this kind of space. So, I decided to get serious about TGC, turning it into this beautiful community and platform dedicated to uplifting us women.

Now, let’s talk about my partner during lockdown. He became my go-to for bouncing off ideas, especially since his business was somewhat similar to what I envisioned for TGC. It was awesome to have that support, but as TGC began to grow, I realized I was leaning on him a bit too much. I found myself waiting for his “That’s a great idea” before making any moves. And when I tried running with some of his suggestions, things didn’t always pan out. Ouch.

That was my wake-up call. I needed to trust my own instincts. I mean, here I was, leading a platform all about empowering women, and yet, I was second-guessing my every move. It didn’t happen overnight, but I started to weigh his input against my own gut feelings and knowledge. It was tricky at first, making decisions without that safety net of approval, but man, was it worth it.

I soon realized I was venturing into territories he hadn’t, like carving out this incredible niche for us gurls. And guess what? I got pretty darn good at it. Looking back, I can see just how much I’ve grown and how much confidence I’ve gained in running TGC. It’s been a journey of learning to trust myself, taking risks, and sometimes learning the hard way – but always coming out stronger.

This week at The Gurls’ Club, we’re diving into the whole idea of seeking external validation. It’s something I struggled with. Over time, I started to see the beauty in trusting my own instincts and making decisions that felt right to me, not just ones that were met with approval from others. It’s been a journey of ups and downs, but each step forward has been a step towards the authentic leadership and empowerment that The Gurls’ Club stands for.

This transformation from seeking external validation to building a foundation of self-trust didn’t happen overnight. And I’ll be honest, there are days when I still catch myself looking for that external ‘nod.’ But now, I have the tools and the awareness to gently guide myself back to my own inner voice.

So here’s my call to you, my incredible community of women: Start small. Listen to that inner voice a little more each day. It might whisper at first, but I promise you, it’s there, and it’s powerful. Take one decision this week that you would normally run by someone else and trust yourself to make it. It could be anything from trying a new recipe, choosing a book to read, or making a small business decision on your own.

Remember, seeking validation is human, but finding validation within is empowering. Let’s take these steps together, celebrating our wins, learning from our stumbles, and gradually shifting towards a life where we trust in our incredible capabilities and instincts.

To every woman in our TGC family: Your voice, your intuition, and your choices are valid and valuable. Trust them. Embrace them. And watch how they transform your world.

With all my heart,

Ciiru Komu

Founder, The Gurls’ Club


March 6, 2024

Hello Ciiru,

I read the part where you mentioned relying on your partner’s “That’s a great idea,” comment and it reminded me of a similar experience I had when I started my own organization. I had a close friend who I worked closely with, and I would often rely on their opinions to make decisions. Unfortunately, I didn’t give my own inner voice a chance, and without realizing it, I lost myself and my own voice.

Eventually, the time came for my friend and I to go our separate ways, and I found myself without their help in making decisions. This has been a difficult transition for me because I would always second guess myself and lacked belief in my own abilities and intuitions. I am currently on a journey to recognize and trust my inner voice once again.

March 7, 2024

Hey Wambui,

It is interesting how man is not an island hence needing allies in the workplace but how that can also be a crutch if we are not careful. I love the awareness that you have and it means that you will be okay and are already building that confidence in self, it is a day at a time and you will look back and you will be amazed at the strides that you have made.

March 7, 2024


You have no idea how much of an impact you’re making. You are really doing an incredible job wrt empowering women.


March 13, 2024

Hey Stellar,

oh my, thank you so much for this, keeps us moving. Happy that you are here.

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